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#3

Making important plans, making decisions which seem impossible to be made, the responsibility which we have to take. And it is not about someone else; it is not about doing what our mum told us to do... Those responsibilities are  about our own selves and those are damn hard. I knew that adulthood is not about the age, but the understanding of good and bad and making the best decisions, and taking consequences from the best side possible so I would not regret much because I knew I did everything I could. I am not saying that when you are an adult, you will not regret anything ever. No. I am saying that being an adult, for me, means that you are not hiding from your own life and its hard, terrifying and unpleasant sides, but you are trying your best to just live. Adulthood slapped me in my face many times when I was very young but now it is different. I am scared. Before I just new what I had to do and it was alright because if it would not work there was still someone older to hel...
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#2

I am not talking. I am not whispering or pretending. I just really want to keep quiet, because it is easier.  It always starts with the Need; the Urge to say, to speak and to scream about what there is inside. But every time it gets uncomfortable. It makes me feel frustrated with myself that I allowed my self to speak. It makes me feel that one word forces me to speak a whole book out loud and I really hate it. I don't want it. So what should I do? When I want to say something, but I want it to be short, to do not keep me tight, keep me imprisoned. I want it to be a whisper, a soft touch of a feather, to be as invisible as the air and strong enough to be heard. Have you heard me? Yet hidden behind anxiety and trust issues; i am waiting. Right here, where you do not know me. But use your imagination. I am very small. Almost invisible. Very quiet. So you need to be focused, you have to believe that I am existing for real. Because I am here and I am screaming.
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A star

Let me tell you the story About a star that shined so brightly - she died in an explosion That nobody noticed
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A Monster Calls

Have you seen the film called "A Monster Calls"? You know ... I never cried so much while watching anything, like I had today, when I was watching this film. If you haven't seen it, I think that you should. Yes. It is sad, but the sadness is what makes it beautiful and ... powerful. I loved the way "A Monster Calls" was filmed too. From the mise on scene, throughout the whole story line to the editing. Truly amazing. And if you don't like being sad or watching dramas, I think it is important to perceive these emotions that this film makes us feel. Because those emotions are experiences and experiences make us who we are. They make us grown up and stronger everyday - sometimes by happiness, sometimes by sadness. We should not think of The Bad or The Sad as things that we have to avoid. I truly believe that both sides of a coin, only together, make us humans, make us alive. How can we be smart? How can we understand the world or ourselves if we on...
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#1

I want to tell you a story. And it will start here. It is my desk and how it currently looks like. You know ... I am re-organising my room almost every week and it is very funny because I don't really like changes. It is not like I would complain, but it is safe, when things are like they used to be. Noting would surprise me or make me anxious. But sometimes I want something different. I want it so badly, it becomes painful. And the pain makes me think of other painful things and those - I think - come from depression. Because you know ... I was about eleven, when I first thought that I want to kill myself. ( requires the use of imagination )
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